Today, my oldest child begins first grade. I can't tell you how sad and happy this makes me. I'm sad because I realize my first baby boy is truly on his way to growing up. School has him now; I don't. I can't help but predict he will need me less and less as he takes on the world in his own independent way. This makes me happy too. I am eager to see how he fares on his own, how he develops, grows, and soars. And I must admit, I am pretty thrilled about having five mornings per week all to myself -- my youngest little boy begins school today too.

On Friday, we went to six-year-old Joey's elementary school for a meet-the-teacher event. Joey was right at home. He sat at his assigned desk, did a little drawing, and snuggled up in a pile of pillows in the reading corner. I felt right at home too, after reading a parent memo about public school physical education.

Fitness has become an everyday ritual for me. Along with eating right, it's my weapon for staying healthy and keeping cancer far away. I want this same ritual for my boys. It looks like Joey will get to embrace this way of life not only at home but while in the care of his teacher too.

After several weeks of hiding and down time, a few weeks ago I made an official announcement to the non profit organization that I founded Indie Music For Life and its two entities Laughs For Life and Indiegrrl. I dropped off of this blog page for a month and am ready to write again. I needed a break. A break to sort through things. To sort through life.

When you or a loved one are diagnosed with cancer it changes your life. Finding out you have cancer takes your breath away and from that point your breath is the most valuable thing to you in your life. Breath and time. Nothing is normal any more. Not your dreams, your nightmares, and not your waking moments.

A personal diagnosis of chronic myloid leukemia in February sent me into a whirlwind of emotions. At that point, all the fear, terror, and stomach knots from my past rounds of cancer came back. Nobody free of cancer could ever appreciate how utterly devastating the news of contracting it could be and the news that it has returned is even more devastating because you know what uphill climbs you must make again. Once you have been diagnosed with cancer you always look over your shoulder for the beast to return. He has caught up with me several times now and so I am speeding up in my race trying to see who is the best long distance runner. Every ache you feel or every little un-ordinary thing that happens with your body sends you into " What If " mode. It is extremely hard living in that mode of thinking but you can't avoid it.

My past struggles with cancer were very private. But then I was not the head of a non profit organization that raises money for cancer research and educational awareness on the powers of music and laughter as therapy for cancer patients. I wasn't the head of the largest networking group of female songwriters known as Indiegrrl that has since become a part of Indie Music for Life. Laughs For Life had not even been thought of yet and now with the direction and help of good friend and comedian Shelly Ryan it is now a reality. I hadn't even started my music career. Having cancer is what lead me to pursue my career in music and chase my dreams. It wasn't until I started working on my CDs that my cancer became really public other than with my close friends and family and then working to set up the Indie Music For Life non profit put it out there even more.

My gut hasn't always guided me through life's most difficult decisions and dilemmas. It wasn't until I felt a lump in my breast more than two years ago that my gut kicked into gear and told me something very important.

"It's cancer," my insides told me one week before the surgeon who did my biopsy called.

"It's cancer," the surgeon said. I didn't tell him, but I thought it: "I know."

I also knew prior to surgery that my cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes. My gut told me this too. It also told me the chemotherapy drug Taxol was not right for me -- since my cancer had not spread -- despite the urging of one oncologist that I accept this treatment. I would have gone on gut instinct alone in my rejection of this medication but another doctor weighed in and agreed with my gut, so I had solid backing on this decision.

Many have dismissed hunches like these and have written off those who believe in them as screwballs, says writer Chip Brown in the March 2007 issue of The Oprah Magazine. But as Brown shares after peering into the world of gut instinct, there are 100 million nerve cells in the gut. They run on autopilot, regulate digestion, play a critical role in the body's immune system, and control mood-altering neurotransmitters identical to those in the brain.

The gut is essentially a second brain. It was a "gut feeling" that led Fred Smith, founder of Federal Express, to begin exploring the possibilities of overnight delivery and Howard Schultz, founder of Starbucks, to begin mass marketing coffee. Wall Street professionals make millions on their gut feelings, sportscasters make startling predictions based on gut guidance, and entrepreneurs launch thriving businesses because of the inklings that rumble in their tummies.

You may or may not be a gut thinker yourself. But I've stumbled upon a gut exercise -- thanks to psychotherapist Nancy Napier --and I'd like for you to consider it the next time you find yourself stuck at a crossroads, unsure of where to turn. You never know, the direction you seek may be swirling around in your midsection, just waiting for a call to action.

Think about this:

You are wavering between two choices. Find yourself a quiet, serene place where there will be no disruptions. Now sit down. Take a moment to settle and focus on the issue you want to explore. Then choose one side. Think about this side and notice what happens in your gut. Do you feel a tightening and gripping or a softening and warming? Are the sensations pleasant or uncomfortable? Notice your thoughts. Are they positive or negative? Give yourself some time to feel your gut and your mind responding.

Now shift to the other side. Think about the previous questions, and try to chart what your body gut is saying.

While you may not get a gut answer at first, if you come back with the question several times, you'll likely hear just what your gut wants you to know.

Regaining focus after losing a loved one to cancer is a tough thing for anyone. Last month Professional golfer Tiger Woods missed his first ever cut in a major championship at the US Open following the loss of his father Earl Woods to prostate cancer on May 3. Tiger regained his focus one month later to win the British Open today.

Mourning for someone you have cared for and loved is a necessary part of feeling better again and continuing with your own life. You will often experience emotions of intense sadness and despair, or it may be hard to believe that the person has really died. You may feel that crying is a sign of weakness, or that you are falling apart but grieving is the way we begin to heal ourselves, just as an injury needs time to heal.

With an emotional breakdown of tears on the finishing hole, Tiger Woods wept openly in the arms of his caddy Steve Williams. This was his first victory since his father's death and some critics questioned whether Woods could regain the focus needed to stay on top of the rankings in the professional golf world. Watching the British Open on television and seeing the final shot by Tiger filled my eyes with tears to know the pain this man felt while winning such a glorious title in golf without the presence of the father that has stood by him his whole career. But he regained his stance at the top of the world rankings and keeps the focus that was taught to him by his father Earl Woods.

"After the last putt, I realized my dad's never going to see this again, and I wish he could have seen this one last time," Woods said at the trophy presentation. "He was out there today keeping me calm. I had a very calm feeling the entire week, especially today."

Tiger Woods now has three British Open titles, the same as Jack Nicklaus, and his victory at Hoylake carried another comparison. The first major Nicklaus won after his father died in 1970 also was the British Open.

There are all sorts of gifts for dad on Father's Day -- shirts and ties and books and coffee mugs and golf balls -- and many of us have already spent money on the stuff we can wrap up and deliver or mail off to dad on this special day. But some gifts -- the ones we can't wrap up -- have an appeal that is priceless because they focus on the moment, they build relationships, and they promote mental and physical health. And here are just seven simple but everlasting gifts to consider sharing with dad on this Father's Day.

Coping with the fear of cancer recurrence is something in my every day mindset as well as many cancer survivors. When my cancer did come back, it doubled my fears often sending me into panic attacks. Often examining every inch of my body for signs of cancer several times a day, I found myself crying in my bathroom and then eventually going into a denial mindset that if I didn't know about it, it would just go away. Fear of any kind if let in consistently can eat away at your ability to function even simple every day tasks. Fear leads to a lot of depression and stress and that in turn leads your body into a state of vulnerability of disease including recurrence of cancer.

Both times my cancer came back was following two very stressful times in my life, so I do not have any doubt about the effects stress plays on a body. So how can you not stress? How can you get that fear out of the back of your mind? I am asked at least 2 or 3 times a week, how do I keep a positive mindset and focus on so much work. It is not simple and it is not an easy thing to do. My advice is always, find meaning and learn focus.